Toby Alderweireld ended up in the ER twice due to stress: ‘’I thought I had a heart attack and would never see my children again’’

Alderweireld has always been a composed defender who has reached the absolute top of football having played for Tottenham Hotspur, Atletico Madrid and Ajax among others. However, despite all the success, the powerful defender has always suffered from stress. It started when he went to Ajax at 15 and moved in with a foster family in Amsterdam. He wanted to quit multiple times due to homesickness, but his father wouldn’t allow him. 

‘’Many people help you, but homesickness is something you have to learn to cope with yourself,’’ says Alderweireld. ‘’Knowing what I know now, I’m not sure I would do it all again. For the first six months, my father would drop me off in Amsterdam every Sunday. After that, I had to take the train from Antwerp. I stood on the platform, fighting back tears, and was angry with my father. ‘I don’t want to go, I want to stay home.’ I was allowed to come back if I wasn’t happy.’’

‘’Throughout my career, I’ve often said that I wanted to quit’’

‘’But my dad is from a different generation and believed I should finish what I had started. He told me my homesickness would pass. I believed him too, but that homesickness never went away. Throughout my career, I’ve often said that I wanted to quit. If my inner circle had agreed with that sentiment, I would have stopped. Nobody understands it, but that feeling has always been inside me.”

Emergency room

Nowadays, Alderweireld still suffers from stress. One and half years ago, the footballer even ended up in the emergency room. ‘’After the lost cup match against Union, I was angry and frustrated. I couldn’t sleep that night and left for the club early the next morning. Before I left, I took a caffeine pill because I don’t like coffee. While driving, my heart suddenly started racing at a thousand beats per minute. The first thought that came to my mind was: ‘I’m having a heart attack, this is it. I’ll never see my children again.’”

Alderweireld pulled over, walked into a furniture store, and asked if they could call an ambulance. “I was taken away in the ambulance, but by then, the episode had already passed. Maybe it was the caffeine, I thought… A little while later, it happened again. I called 100 in the middle of the night. From the stress, I could feel my heart pounding. I had a panic attack, which only made my heart race faster. You drive yourself mad.”

 

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After going through many tests, it turned out his heart was fine. The panic attacks were purely caused by stress and the pressure he put on himself. Since then, he’s completely quit caffeine. ‘’Sometimes I still feel the symptoms, but I’ve learned to manage them, and the discomfort goes away on its own. The stress hasn’t diminished, but I can handle it better now.’’ 

Shortly after this incident, Alderweireld retired from the national team. Officially, he said that he wanted to spend more time with his family, but he now admits that his health was the main reason. 

Remarkably, just three months after being taken to hospital, Alderweireld scored one of his most iconic goals that saw Royal Antwerp crowned champions of Belgium. However, he wasn’t able to celebrate. ‘’I didn’t party because I was having heart issues. I sat quietly at the back of the bus, overwhelmed with joyful stress.’’ 

 ‘’There’s more to life than football’’

Alderweireld also revealed that he will hang up his football boots at the end of the season. ‘’I can say with near certainty that this will be my final year. My biggest fear is retiring and not being at my best anymore. I want people to remember these last two years.’’ 

‘’I won’t become a coach – that’s a promise I made to my family, otherwise, the cycle would start all over again,’’ says Alderweireld. ‘’There’s more to life than football. I’m partly looking forward to it. I’m interested in other things. I have my drinks brand, and we’ll see what comes next.’’